Beginning of the End

It's been a while since I posted! So here's one right now!

Anyway, the year's coming to an end, and a lot has happened this year. I got a new class, learnt new stuff in my classes, worked with new people, took over my CCA with my other squadmates, been busy as hell, missed my junior years like crazy, struggled like crap with exams and all that, passed my Chinese exam after three bloody years, planned and executed lessons and camps, started this blog, travelled to two countries within a month, and started Ghost.

It's been a busy year, definitely. The start of next year is gonna be killer as well. I'm supposed to lead a team from my CCA into a competition, and it's quite a bit of pressure here. The number of people we're allowed to enter has been cut down, and it's ridiculous. I don't really know how I'm going to go about doing this nonsense. I'm really hoping April will come along soon, when I can step down and focus on my studies and my "side projects".

Being in the IP stream, I don't actually have to take 'O'-Levels, only for Chinese. Which is my weakest subject. WHY. I'm gearing up for the new year, really. I'm gonna tidy up my desk and under my table, and keep it that why for the rest of the year. I'm gonna keep myself fit, even if I don't really slim down. I want to be healthy, and I want to do well in school.

Of course, we always have that one person in class that doesn't hand up homework and doesn't mind owing a single piece of homework for an entire year. I'm that person. And I don't want to be that person anymore. It's annoying, having to run from your teachers, despite knowing that you'll meet them in class anyway. I don't want them to be breathing down my neck anymore, and I don't want to drop any further than I already have. I'd describe myself as the bottom of the bottom, if anything. And it feels horrible. I want to score well. I don't want to have to take up Chinese in JC, when I can be using the time to do other things.

To be honest, I've been investing more time and effort into my CCA than anything else these past three years. Nothing else seemed to matter. One of the reasons was because I excel in my CCA. I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I am best at my CCA. If you think about in another way, that's pretty fucking pathetic. Who cares if you're good at your CCA if you can't score well in exams and stuff? No one's going to be like, "Oh hey, she does well in her CCA. Let's take her in." No, it doesn't work that way. It's all about how many As you can get and how hard you work to keep it that way.

I'm not trying to say that CCA isn't important. It just isn't as important. Really, I've always known that, but it didn't stop me from putting a crazy amount of energy into that. It was my biggest mistake, but also my best choice. I don't really regret. I never have, and I never will. Why? Because if I didn't put my time and effort into my CCA, then I would have absolutely no achievements at all. I'd be bad at my CCA as well as my studies. I know myself. I would still not have studied back then. It didn't seem to matter.

Now I see it. How important it actually is. Which is why I'm going to change. It's no longer "trying to change". "I fight not because I think I can win, but because I have to." There's no point in doing something if you don't resolve to see it to the end. I'm going to see it to the end. This blog is slightly over 6 months old. A little bit of an achievement, if you ask me. And I'm going to keep doing this blogging thing for as long as I can. It's gonna be my thing, and I'm gonna see it to the end.

Ghost as well. I missed the last update because I was overseas. But I'm going to stick to the "every Saturday"-updates and I'm going to finish this book. It's a promise I'm making to myself, as well as all my readers. I'm sick and tired of incomplete stuff. I never really finish what I start. No more. I'm going to do this right this time. It's time to start tying up the loose ends, make up for the shortfall.

I hope y'all have some kind of goal of your own that you wish to achieve as well! It makes life exciting, no? Even if you don't have any goals (which I didn't for my entire life), please watch as I achieve mine! Alright, this is it for now! Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint

I'm Back!

Hey hey! I'm back from my Taipei trip! It was so much fun while it lasted. I got back on Tuesday, and it's already Thursday. Time sure flies.

I don't think I'm going to blog much about the trip, but it was really awesome. Certain things were more than slightly unpleasant, but they don't matter much. It's good to be back in Singapore. The weather is pretty freaking terrible, but it wasn't much better in the first few days in Taipei either. It was so warm and uncomfortable, and then suddenly it was freezing.

It's almost always sunny in Singapore, except with the occasional downpours these few weeks. I swear, I put on sooooo much weight during the trip. It was basically all good food and then no exercise. Well, technically, we walked a lot, but I think we ate more. And the food was definitely far from healthy. Not that I really care much. Just moderate how you eat and it isn't so bad.

I bought lots of stuff this trip! I would like to post what I got, but some of it are clothes, and they're currently in the wash, so I can't do that. I spent a lot! Hahahahaha I would say I'm from a rather well-to-do family, at least we get by. Even if we aren't really, then my parents are just generous. I do try to control my spending, of course. I don't just splurge and splurge. It's unhealthy, and it's disrespectful to the hard work my parents put in to get that cash, as well as disrespectful to the cash.

It seems weird to think of it as disrespecting cash, but if you don't respect the money you have, you will have no qualms about spending. And with that, you're going to run out of cash easily. Besides, you earned that money. Why are you disregarding the hard work you put in just to momentarily satisfy yourself? It's time to think twice, all you spendthrifts!

So, if any of you still remember, I'm on a quest to slim the heck down. Well, I'm working on it. So far, this holiday, I've only run like three times, with the last one being yesterday. I ran a total of 4km but I took reaaaaaally long oops. But hey! Better than nothing! It's time to work off all the fat and unhealthiness accumulated during this holiday. I'm getting my mum to control how much I eat, especially when it's buffet and hotpot kind of meals. You gotta start somewhere, right? So exercise and controlling my diet is where I'm going to start. And I hope to end with a flat stomach even when I sit. I heard planking works. But I'm not sure.

Also, my new story, Ghost, is out! I'm really happy that I managed to post again. It's a lot of fun writing and putting it out for the world to see. I've actually finished writing four chapters, and I'm working on chapter 5 at the moment. I'm doing my own editing as well, so posting is taking a while. Only two chapters are out, and I don't plan to rush my uploading, since I can't write as fast. I just posted Chapter 2 today, so perhaps I'll wait for a week or so before the next post. I'm thinking to post every Saturday, but I'm not too sure yet.

It seems I'm not sure of a lot of stuff! Hahaha But one thing I know is that I really enjoy writing, and I'm really grateful to all you people who read the nonsense I post. (Yes, I know I have readers. Thank you, by the way ;) ) Comments are always welcome, even if y'all don't actually comment on anything. But still, thank you for the silent support!

Alright! If you wanna catch more of me (for any reason...), you can find me on Wattpad (I don't upload my stories anywhere else) or on Twitter, at Midnight4821 and @FlintStars respectively. (Or here! :D ) Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint

Scent

Wow, two posts within two days? I'm amazing (Not really) hahaha Okay, there are two reasons why I'm blogging again. #1, is because well... ehehehe you'll find out later. #2 is simply because I want to type on my new computer again! I mean, come on, it's not often you get a new freaking awesome beautiful computer! So of course I'd want to be on it! (I'm so childish okay whatever)

Okay, so I'm sure most readers would remember C from a while back. Well, guess what, I'm over him LOL Aaaaand I'm sure you know where this is going. Yes. There's a new guy. Well, he's not really that new, I've known him for a while now, almost 4-5 years. And it wasn't until recently (like about a month back or so) he kind of caught my eye. I probably seem kind of "easy" to y'all now oops but I don't really care, because I'm not that kind of person. I personally blame the raging hormones every teenager gets once in a while. Seriously, I've been in all girls' schools for, like, my entire life. The occasional boy is welcome, okay.

So this guy. Let's call him K. I don't ever want to name these people mainly because if they Google themselves or whatever it may come out. Another reason would be to respect privacy. If anyone ELSE Googles them, their faces may appear. May not be appreciated by them, so yeah. Anyway, my dad runs a tuition centre and K is one of the teachers there, and he does the materials we use too. K used to be my dad's student, and he's like, 7 years older than me. The age gap is a little bit too much. Raging hormones. He's still young. I'm too young. :P So that's kind of the background story.

K has been around for a while, more frequently so in the past few years. I've always noticed that he's really easy on the eyes, and I mean reaaaaally easy. He's freaking cute, to put it simply. Sure, he didn't exactly have wonderful grades and he's not the tallest guy in the world (he's around my height oops). But I swear he is one of the most hardworking people I've ever seen. He travels a lot, and photography is one of his hobbies (I seem to like photographers a lot, never really realised...). But here's the thing: he brings his laptops on some trips because he wants to complete the materials he needs to, even if they won't be used for the next 6 months. Organised and always prepared. Pretty wonderful traits, if you ask me. He never ever complains about having too much work, and he sometimes even sleeps over at the tuition centre to complete the materials on the desktop we have there.

Like, if it was me, I would just do it on my computer, upload it onto Google Drive, and you go settle the other shit yourself because I can't really be bothered to. This is really the next level; I have never seen someone do this before. My older brother used to be the one doing the materials, and I've done some myself. It's what Singaporeans call "sai kang". Literal translation, "sh*t job". I understand that he loves teaching (he wants to be a teacher, and he's currently working under my dad so yeahhh), travelling and food is his life :3 He's generous too, often buying drinks and little snacks for the other staff at the tuition centre, my family and me.

So it seems like I've been painting a really pretty picture of this dream guy? Well guess what, as if he wasn't perfect enough, he smells heavenly. Like, no kidding. I'm not sure if it's body wash or cologne but whatever it is, it's wonderful. I'm sure everyone has heard of the "People who smell good are naturally more attractive" thing. Well, it's freaking true. It's almost the largest reason why I like him so much. Of course, the other reasons help too, but this is like it. Today, I had holidays class, so I was at the tuition centre and K was there too. And his scent basically filled the whole staff room (I'm allowed in there, normal students aren't ehehehe). It was so good I can't even hahahaha

Sigh all this fangirling but I suppose it's rather harmless. (Well, it is. And at least we know I'm straight.) I don't actually plan to have a boyfriend until I'm doing well in my studies and whatnot, at least able to cope with life and still have a little bit of free time here and there. Yes, having a life partner whatnot blah blah blah is important, but I'm still studying; education takes priority at the moment. I want to get the job I want, even if it's not exactly the most sustainable one. But people are surviving off it, so who's to say I won't? K is the kind of person I want to be when I'm older. Hardworking, dedicated, successful to some extent. He's my motivation, my role model. 

Alright, I'm done fangirling and stuff hahahaha Just thought it'd be nice to share this a little. I might be seeing K a bit more next year because he might be doing one-to-one tutoring for me since I'm struggling with Chemistry oops.

Well, that's it for now and probably a long while, since I'm going overseas soon! I'm excited hahahaha Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint

Dec the Hols!

I can finally blog again! It's been sooo long (oops) So many things have happened since I last blogged. It's been over a month, and many things can happen in a month, let alone over a month.

First off, school ended! Yayy! It was so exciting, last days of schools always are. But there was also our camp proposal to do, although that didn't take up as much time as we thought it would. It barely even ate into any of our days and it was pretty fun, planning everything and stuff.

Next, there was camp. That was a week ago, from 17 November to 19 November. It was tiring, and the food was bad (it usually isn't, actually. But this camp's was BAD.) It was bad to the point where I felt nauseous just looking at food for those three days. There was outdoor cooking (ODC) and that was really fun. We cooked good food, and that was literally the only meal that was good. The activities and stuff were epic and fun, and we had a great time executing them, though everything kind of dragged a little hahaha Sleep was almost non-existent for some of us, luckily not me. There were people on sentry (basically means you stay up and do shifts overnight, so pretty much "choppy" sleep or no sleep at all) and we kind of overslept by an entire freaking hour on the second night so that was kind of bad. But we managed to work around it and still broke camp on time anyway so that wasn't much of a problem, although it was kind of epic and we, of course, got scolded.

A few days ago was Open House! It was fun and nerve-wrecking in a sense. It isn't my first time joining Open House, but I'd only done so once two years ago, and suddenly the next time I join, I have to lead the entire showcase?! What?? So yeah, that happened. I think it wasn't that bad, because the Juniors are all very good and they can handle anything thrown their way hahahaha :P We did moulaging for the second showcase, and it was a fun experience. The first time we did moulaging was during camp, for an activity. We made lots of noise and we were so childish hahaha It was fun and we had quite the audience this time round, so I hope we managed to wow some people! My CCA's intake is usually rather low, so I hope we'll be able to have an intake of around 20-25 next year. It would be the ideal intake, and hopefully we'd be able to have an intake around these numbers every year, so that we'd be slightly more stable and not on the verge of closing down :/

Some time between the closing of school and a week or so before camp, my old computer crashed! DX It was bad. I'm still trying to retrieve all the stuff that was on my old computer because it's a slow and torturous process that makes me so impatient and angry hahahaha But I got a new computer yesterday (23/11/14) and it's absolutely wonderful. But I'm still trying to copy out the rest of my personal stuff and then I still have to copy out my pictures :( I'm only done with school documents, songs and some of my personal stuff (stories and the like, fortunately I always write them on paper before typing them in, so at least I have the originals). It doesn't really explain why I haven't been blogging for forever but better late than never hahahaha (Okay, not really I'm sorry)

So I'm working on all the stories I have at the moment, and hopefully I'll be able to post something during this holiday. (I know it's not even December yet [the title oops] but it kind fit and I didn't want to wait till December to do it, since I'm overseas on December 1 so yeahh it's a bit difficult to wait hahaha) [All works will be posted onto Wattpad]

Alright, this is about it for now. I didn't really want to post a super long post but not too short either, so I guess this is about the right length. Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint

Performance? Count me out.

Alright so it's Sunday and it's the first time in a long time (approximately 4 months) that I've done a blog post so soon after the last one. So it's like this. A month or so ago, I turned up at my music school (it's like a tuition centre but teaches music? I guess?) and there was no class on that day as they were holding auditions for some performance next year on 4 January. So the admin staff were like, "Oh, never mind lah, just audition first. (Although I didn't even sign up for auditions...) Maybe you'll get in, maybe you won't. Just try your luck lah." And so, stupid me went for the auditions not to get in. I had barely practiced the song I used for a really long time, and I made many mistakes. I was sure I wasn't going to get in.

And then I got back, and told my older brother, "Kor (some of us call our older brothers "Kor" here in Singapore.), I just went for auditions LOL." and he replied, "Oh really? You know you're gonna get in? There aren't many people who are Grade 8 you know. Even if you played Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and played the entire song wrong, you would have gotten in anyway." And I was like, "Well shit." I had no intentions of performing, and I still don't, by the way.

So today, I was told I got selected to perform, among like over 100 other students, perhaps?? The freaking thing will be 3 hours long, from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m., and performers have to report at 9 a.m. before the actual thing to rehearse and do all sorts of other shit. No thank you. There are a few other reasons why I rejected it as well, other than not even wanting to go in the first place. Well, I had half a mind to go AT FIRST. But then, no.

Here's why I chose not to go:

1) It's a duet.
Do you have any idea how horrible the part I'm supposed to play is? I'm currently Grade 8, and my partner is supposedly Grade 7. I don't even know his name, much less what he looks like. And I won't know either of the above until November, when my schedule is packed as heck due to camp and preparations for camp, followed by overseas trips, which leaves me approximately a few days to practice the song and then a few hours to rehearse with my "partner". No.

2) The song is horrible.
I cannot even begin to describe how bad the song sounds. Well, my part at least. It's just a repetition of itself over and over again, with minor changes. Again, supporting roles aren't all the great, if you realised. I have no intention of bringing it to stage, let alone perform it. And since it's a supporting role, I have to play it softer. Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope.

3) It's not even on a grand piano.
This is one of my greatest complaints. Okay, it sounds stupid, but who cares?? It's a freaking concert thingy, 3 hours long, with guitar, violin and piano songs flying everywhere, but because there are like little kids performing or something, the grand piano will not be used. What? There is a prerequisite if you want to get me to perform a piano piece. It has to be on a grand piano. Especially since it's a concert. And it has to be a solo. No exceptions. I'm already making compromises if it's a duet on a grand piano, but it's going to be a duet on a keyboard. It's not even a freaking piano.

4) There's a dress code and makeup is required.
I don't remember telling you guys if I'm a female or male, but news flash, I'm a girl. I think you'd have guessed. Anyway, so the dress code for females is white dress and white shoes. I don't have a white dress, and the only white shoes I have are the white Converse shoes I wear to school when my sports shoes are wet. They're greying and fraying a little, if anything. So... imagine a white dress and then grey, fraying shoes. Sounds good. And then the makeup. Oh gosh, the makeup. Anything on the face is uncomfortable. There is a very high chance I will remove everything even before I go up on stage. And what's the point, they can't even see your face.

5) Performers have to be there by 9 a.m., when the concert only starts at 2 p.m.
Uhh, it's way too fucking long? Like, you want me to be there 5 freaking hours earlier, to play the same song again and again, perform for 3 minutes and then it's over? I would have wasted an entire day. 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. is a total of 8 hours, not including travelling time, which could easily take 2 hours in total. I could watch at least 20 episodes of any anime and still have time to spare, which would then equate to maybe 22 or 23 episodes. I'm not stupid, I wouldn't sacrifice needlessly like that.

6) I don't even want to be a performer when I grow up.
I get stage fright. Pfffft, no I don't. Anyway, it's not my dream to play the piano and compose music and wear makeup and dresses all day every day. In fact, that sounds more like a nightmare than a dream. I don't want to be practicing till my fingers break or something, playing for more than 2 hours sounds horrible enough already, much less 15 hours, taking out 8 hours of sleep per day, and meal times. Music is something that I use to relax. It's not a career option. I think I've said that before.

Alright, so this is the list of why I declined the role. My "partner" was actually supposed to do a solo previously, but then they decided that they wanted him to do a duet with me. But no. I don't want to perform to begin with, and if he can get the limelight, why the hell not? And he's probably more comfortable doing a solo, especially if he will only see me in November, and then realise that I'm not doing to show up for a large part of the month, as well as the next. So, it's now a win-win situation.

Well, anyways, maybe one day I'll decide that I want to perform in some other concert, but that's another matter altogether (sort of). I'll end off here, and for those musicians out there, keep chasing your dreams, and always know what you want! Be clear on what you wish to achieve, and then go all out, with failure not being an option! Don't forget to have a backup plan :P ;) Alright! Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint

Last Paper

MY LAST PAPER IS TOMORROW OMG I'M SO EXCITED.

Well, so my last paper is tomorrow, and I cannot put into words how excited I am. I should be studying. Never mind. Today was Literature and tomorrow will be Biology. There isn't any school on Thursday because it's marking day. So for those who take Physics and Geography, their last paper was last Friday, and they don't have school until Friday. Lucky buggers. Well, at least for the rest of us, our turn will come soon. There wasn't any school on Monday because it was a public holiday here in Singapore, for those who don't know.

So anyway, I'm really just freaking excited for this to end and to slack all day every day. There will be absolutely nothing to do once the exams end, and that's exactly what I'm looking forward to. Other than the proposals and whatnot that I will have to do for camp at the end of the year... Oops? Dang. Looks like it still isn't the slacking period yet. Sighs. Still, it's more exciting than studying, to some extent. There's actually quite a bit of logistics that we'll need and I have two departments' worth of proposals to do, hopefully we get this done as soon as possible.

Once we settle the proposals, it'll be camp, which I hope will be fun hehe It's the first camp we're running all by ourselves, but I still have to worry about Open House showcase, so that's kinda shitty. I'm not too sure how I want us to do this thing this time round. Well, we'll just think of that when we need to. Sorry if this doesn't make too much sense. Let's do a little bit of explaining. My CCA has a showcase segment that we do every year, as well as a booth. I'm in charge of this year's showcase, and I want to do something different this time round. Open House is basically when the school is open to the public. It's for when the Primary 6 kids decide which school they want to go to, or feel is most suitable for them. Mainly only Primary 6 kids will go for these, and every school has their own Open House, some on the same dates, some on different. The CCAs will also have to set up booths, and students will also introduce the school's learning programme to the public. It's not much though, it barely brushes the surface, and generally, all schools have the same programme, just different teachers. It ultimately boils down to how good the teachers are, not how good the programme is.

Anyway, after camp will be holiday time! I'm going overseas and I'm super excited. I can't possibly say how much. It's Taiwan and then Japan, the first time I'm going to two countries within a single holiday. It's gonna be epic~ I'll spend time writing too, and hopefully have something substantial to put up someday. I don't have that much time to write for now, so hopefully there will be more time to do so overseas. Besides, the experiences there will help to contribute to the writing experience, no?

Wells, I don't have much else to say for now, but it's gonna be stress period right after this one. Sighh. At least after stress period, we always have something to look forward to! Oh, and a close friend of mine's birthday is this Friday. I got a really cute stuff toy cat for her. I hope she likes it hahaha Alright! Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint

Exam Time!

It's that time of the year again. The time where we all drown ourselves in the notes we have received and made in the past year. Yes, it's the End-Of-Year Examination period. Yay.

I'm at the start of that period now, I'm pretty sure all the secondary school students are currently what we Singaporeans like to call "chiong-ing" for exams. "Chiong" is to rush. Singlish is a pretty versatile "language", so while "chiong-ing" lunch means to eat lunch hurriedly, "chiong-ing" for exams is to cram/do last minute mugging for exams. Also known as "pia-ing". Yes, Singlish is weird. No, we don't really care.

I've finished my Chinese and English paper over the past two days and I'm glad to say that I think I've gotten off on a good start. For the first time in forever, I was able to complete almost all the questions in my Chinese paper (or at least write something for every question), save for one and a half questions which I couldn't do, so I technically completed the paper. I can't even begin to describe how nervous I was before that paper. It was horrible. I felt totally unprepared, although I studied till I fell asleep on my bedroom floor the night before. I've never studied as hard as I did this time round for my Chinese paper ever. The damn thing had a total of 200 marks, 90 marks for Paper 1 (what I would describe as situational writing and then essay writing) and 110 marks for Paper 2 (your usual MCQ and Open-Ended nonsense). I haven't exactly done all fabulously and shit earlier this year, and if I can do well this time round, I might actually past Chinese for the first time in secondary school. That is a big deal to me, even if it seems like nothing to others. I might still fail anyway, so whatever.

I didn't really study all that hard for English, considering that I've always done okay for it, either above average or just scraping through. No, there is no in between. Yeah, so I took the paper, again, split into Paper 1 and Paper 2, as all language papers in Singapore are split, and I might just fail it? Yepp. We were given an hour and a half to complete each paper, with a break between Paper 1 and Paper 2. For Paper 1, we only need to write one essay for English, unlike in Chinese. I managed to finish writing my essay with 15-30 minutes to spare, and safe to say, I was scared shitless. 15-30 minutes in an essay is actually a lot of time, and I felt like I didn't write enough, compared to my friends who wrote 3 pages and all that shit. I wrote one and three-quarters, but my handwriting is pretty damn small, so yeah. The word limit was 550 to 600 words, I probably exceeded by easily over a hundred. It's okay. No one counts the words. Then, there's the other problem to worry about, which is the "PEEL" format that all teachers want our essay paragraphs to be in. I didn't write in that cursed format. My teacher is probably going to mark me down for that. It's a tough world to survive in when they want you to have a personal voice but force you to follow the structure they decide.

For English Paper 2 (this one was 1 Open-Ended, 1 Summary, and 1 2-part Visual Text question), I swear half the time, I had no idea what was going on. Like, what are you even testing? The questions don't really even fit the passage? The questions that were posed kind of changed the meaning of the passage, and so I'd just passed it off as bad English and answered according to what the passage gave. (And the paper was set by ENGLISH teachers. Huh.)

So I'm done with my 2 language papers, and it's time for the Sciences and Humanities now, but my school always has this 2 day break between papers, so my next paper is on Wednesday, not Monday. (Why do the breaks even exist?? To stress our tits off?? I study in an all-girls school, if I haven't mentioned that before. Pardon my language, we often feel more comfortable when we're all the same gender and act like guys haha) We have normal curriculum time on Monday and Tuesday, and then it's gonna be Chemistry on Wednesday. I'm not too confident, but I can't do badly. I can't do badly for any of my End-Of-Years, to be precise. But I'm not the setter, and I can't predict the questions, so all I can do is leave it up to fate, as cheesy as it sounds. I'll be pia-ing for as long as I can. Hopefully, I'll do well this time round!

Alright, I'll end here for now, and good luck to all you readers who have any test or exams coming up! Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint
P.S. You can follow me on Twitter at @FlintStars if you want, though I don't really tweet all that often on this account. (But I'm not going to release my private account so lol) I've also got an account on Wattpad, and I'm writing originals as well as fan fiction (those are originals as well, of course...). I've got one on that account, but I currently have no plans on continuing the one that has been uploaded, though I have half a mind to change that. You can find me at Midnight4821 on Wattpad, and find out the origins of this name. I don't act like her, though. She's cooler :)

Senpai!

Ahhh, I had my piano exam today, and I think I might have failed? Haha I have never been so unprepared before I had no idea what the examiner was asking; he looked relatively displeased with me. So anyway, yeah. I am totally not touching the piano on my own accord for the next 3 months or so.

Tomorrow, I have a CCA event, so I'll have to wake up early, about 6 a.m. Anyway, it's a little difficult to put into words what I'm about to say, but I'll try my best. So like, my CCA is kind of like an organisation, so like there are other people who run the event as well. They're volunteers who are part of the organisation and they (obviously) volunteer and help out with events like these whenever they can. I think you can probably guess what CCA I'm in by now. If you can't, it's not important.

Anyway, there's this one volunteer that, from what I observed, has been helping out at every single event that they hold. Well, many of them are like him, and those volunteers have become familiar to us, even if we are not familiar to them (like a stalker hahaha). We'll call this volunteer C. C is clearly a guy, and well... I may or may not have a crush on him. Who am I kidding, I like C. More than I should. I honestly don't know why. It's not as if he's shown any outstanding quality such as being outspoken, focused and constantly on task, or anything at all. But I'm somehow just drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He's 5 years older than me (okay, the age gap is a little big, but who cares, he's cute), and he makes me want him to notice me. For outstanding performance, exceptional skills, anything. I just want him to remember me, in a positive way.

He does lots of photography (he studies it), and I'm just completely drawn in and impressed by the photos he takes. They may seem very simple, but they catch your eye and make you go, "Hey, that's really good." I really don't know him that well and all that, but I'm still hopelessly attracted to him. Each event I go for, I hope to see him, or even catch a glimpse of him. And then it leaves me wanting more. To bask in his presence is good enough, even if he doesn't know my name. Of course, I'm hoping that I will see him tomorrow as well, and that's one reason why I'm going for the event, as well as to cheer my school on! It's a competition, so I'm really hoping we win, as the team has put in lots of effort (I'm not participating, I'm just there to support haha).

I don't know if this is just infatuation or whatever, but it's a relatively new experience. It's not like the kind where you crush on celebrities and stuff, because they're pretty much in a totally different league and there's almost no chance for you to ever meet them, let alone date them. But this is different. Anything is possible, as long as I can get closer to C. C actually lives a few bus stops away from me, but he doesn't know that, nor does he really need to know. I'm hoping to see him sometime soon, maybe on the bus or something, but I know that the chances of that happening is really very low.

Well, this was just a quick post to get this issue off my chest (though I'm sure it won't go away anytime soon...), and let you readers know what I'm feeling. After all, I am merely one of many hormonal teenagers who likes to blog and put down her stuff in an attempt to control and understand myself and my feelings better.

Alright, it's really late (11. 52 p.m.) here in Singapore, and I'm gonna go sleep so I can wake up tomorrow. Please notice me, Senpai! Nights! Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint

Reading

Ahhh I haven't blogged in such a long time! Well, I finally have the chance to now, so I'll do a quick post.

As the title suggests, this post is about reading. Yesterday, I just finished reading the latest book by my favourite author. And I realised how long it had been since I last sat down to read at my own leisure. That would be around 2 months. Before the previous book, it would have been 6 months. I really haven't had time to sit down and just read at all, ever since I entered secondary school. Well, newsflash, I love to read. I love the feel of the book in my hands, the sound when I flip the page, even the smell of the book (especially library books). The one thing I really love about reading is that you get to live, even if just for a while, in another world, in someone else's shoes. You get to experience things you know you will never experience in the real world, be it the epic fights, or the cheesy, unrealistic romances, or the wild adventures that main characters always seem to find themselves in.

As a Literature student (albeit not a very good one...), I deal with texts on a 3-day-per-week basis. And the feeling of having to analyse every single line an author writes is really excruciating, as well as a major turn off. I think it's safe to say that I love reading, and I hate Literature. The main reason I decided to take Literature was because I hated Geography even more, and that my basic command for the language allowed me to analyse texts on a slightly deeper level compared to some others (those in my class are just pros though, I could never match up to them). For those of you who don't quite know Singapore's education system, basically, you spend 4 years in secondary school. In Secondary 1 and 2, you have to take all 3 Humanities subjects, History, Geography and Literature. (We take "General Science" for Science, which is basically Physics, Chemistry and Biology together?) Then in your third year, you choose two of the three Humanities subjects, and either do Double Science (Bio-Chem or Physics-Chem) or Triple Science (all three Sciences). In Secondary 4, most students just carry on with whatever their subject choice in Secondary 3 was. For my school, you can choose to drop either Biology or Physics if you take Triple Science. That's the main gist of it, at least.

Well, back to the topic at hand. As we all know, it is the greatest sin in the Bible of Education to not test what has been taught earlier in the year, and so we have examinations based off the texts we studied. Yay, how wonderful. See, that's the thing. Education forces itself to not allow any sort of leisure inside it. Something is expected out of everything that is done. For those bookworms out there, you may think that it's the greatest honor and pleasure to have a teacher analyse everything and help you to read between the lines and fully understand what the author meant, but trust me, it gets real shitty after a few years. You have to annotate this, note that down, figure out which tool or technique the author used and sometimes, you can't help but wonder, is this what the author really meant, or did he/she unintentionally write this and it's being over-analysed? And yet, there is nothing you can do, because you're not the professional, and you're not the writer. (Not that the teachers is, but you get my point)

So being forced to read text after text, to the seriously major bookworms out there, would be paradise. I mean, I'm a bookworm myself, I would gladly read text after text with ease and pleasure too, if nothing was expected out of it. For Literature students, you're allowed the opportunity to read new texts that others may not have, but what's expected out of it is essay after essay after essay to show how much of it you "understand", based off what the teacher defines as "understand". This I say, because it is ridiculously difficult to define what "understand" truly means. You may understand something this way, but the teacher sees it differently. So, what? Is this a misunderstanding ? Or are both correct? What is the definition of "correct"? With this many things that are questionable, should every opinion be correct? (Unless it's really far-fetched, then you have no bargaining rights)

It's the same for English. During the June holidays, our teacher had assigned us holiday homework, and that had been to read any book of your choice, then write a reflection on it. Like, what the heck?? I understand that this is to check that we've really read the book, but seriously? If you're gonna make us read and write a reflection, the average student will pick a book they have read before, and quickly write a short reflection on it. No one wants to write a freaking reflection, and I'm pretty sure the teachers know that! Reading is good, but once it turns from an experience into a chore, no one's gonna do it. Again, education. Something expected out of everything. This unspoken rule is really annoying. It has taken away the joy of learning, and going for Literature lessons has become a chore.

I'm glad that this hasn't affected my passion for books. I'm not sure if you noticed, but not once have I referred to the "books" that I use for Literature as "books". If you're wondering why, it's simply because I no longer see them as such. To me, they are " texts", just like "textbooks". I find no joy in reading them, no interest in finding out what happens next. It's a bit like when you watch a draggy movie, and you're just hoping that it will end quickly so that you can do what you had planned to do after, while watching it. It's the same for me. I read the texts, not really processing at all, just trying to reach the end of the book so that I can quickly put it down and do whatever the heck I wanted to do. To all you younger readers out there, I'm not saying that you shouldn't study Literature, and that it is bad or whatever. Just make sure you have a strong command and passion for the subject before you hastily take it on. As they say, "Marry in haste, repent at leisure."

Shoutout to all you bookworms out there, as well as people, young and old! Don't ever stop reading, and don't ever stop loving to read. It's easy to read a book, but experiencing the book is whole other story! Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint

Music!

So the week is coming to an end, with today being Thursday. I've been running what I like to call "consecutive nights", which basically means that I stay up till between 12 to 2am. I've been running those since Sunday through Tuesday, just trying to complete my homework. Again, Imagineering is starting, we don't have curriculum time to do our shit. Which means we have to stay back, and my entire schedule is pushed back. The set back to running consecutive nights is that I can't run them for long. Yesterday, I had CCA, and I usually reach home tired as heck. Add that to the fact that I'd been running consecutive nights, I fell asleep slightly after 10pm while doing my project with my friends. It's not the first time I've fell asleep (kind of) on my table, but my friends have never encountered someone who has before. Well, there's a first time for everything.

I've been spending a relatively unhealthy amount of time just listening to music and playing my guitar this week. I spent about an hour on Tuesday and about two hours today. Yepp. Just playing my guitar and now my fingers are raw as hell. It's all worth it though. I'm sort of trying to slowly increase the amount of damage my fingers can take, so I can play a little longer. My fingertips are kind of numb-ish to the crap is takes nowadays, but if I play for too long, they will hurt. Which is what they're doing right now. The one thing I'm really grateful to my school for (pardon the grammar if it's wrong) is including a guitar module last year. I'd never played the guitar in my entire life and I never planned to pick it up before either. That was until the module started. I could barely last through the first 30 minutes of class, and my fingers would start hurting like crap when I played. But it really sparked an interest. When I first got my guitar, I couldn't even remember how to play the one song I'd learnt. But hey, you gotta start somewhere, even if you've got a crappy start. Now, I can play about eight songs on the guitar, and I'm working on some at the moment. Still can't pluck though (it's okay, playing the guitar is really just for leisure).

I haven't got the chance to blog about this, but I'm currently into Josh Golden (GOLDEN). Previously, it was Eden Ang (I still look forward to all his Instagram posts and his WahBanana videos, though :P). They're both really talented and just motivated to do what they do. Loving what they do helps a lot, I guess. I'm just trying to memorise all of Golden's songs though. He's really young, born in 1994, just slightly older than me. If I'm not wrong, he started writing at the age of 12 and released his first album in 2009, which is 5 years back, and that would be when he was 15. Like what even? I was still trying to beat the Sinnoh Elite Four back when I was 12! Still not anywhere as successful as him, but it's okay. I don't want to be a musician anyway. My mum says that if I can't be what I wanna be, I should just be a musician. But music is currently just a little something for me to turn to when I'm tired. I don't want to have to face it everyday until it becomes a chore and I don't even remember why I liked it in the first place.

I would say I have a little crush on Golden, but like, which of his fans doesn't? I mean, come on, he's young, talented and easy on the eyes. He's really not that much older than me, and a girl can dream, no? (I'm sure you know where this is going ;)) Well, not much point though. We live on like, opposite ends of the world (Don't ask me, I'm not a Geography student. And my sense of the world is as bad as heck).

Well, I'm just gonna end the post here now, it's been a long post and a long day, and tomorrow will be even longer, with CCA starting slightly earlier and I have to run a 4x100m relay as well. Live well, Love much, Laugh often.

-Midnight Flint

School Reopening

Today is Monday and the first day of school is done. Wow. I pretty much almost just got home and I have overdue homework waiting to be completed. Honestly that's kind of crazy. I managed to do some in school, so at least I got some of it out of the way. I've got a few pieces of History and some Chinese. Ughh I hate Chinese! It's a horrible subject when you aren't good at it and you're not sure what you're reading half the time. I'm hoping I can complete everything by tonight and I'm willing to skip dinner to complete it. Health over academics? Pfft, even if people believe in it, it's not like they can do it. Anyway, we're going to be taking our height and weight tomorrow, so if I don't put on that much weight today, at least I'll be slightly lighter tomorrow.

I really hope I can complete at least the Chinese bit by tonight. History isn't really that difficult to do, just a reliability piece and a 150 word personal response worksheet. Hopefully, I won't take more than 2 hours. It's Chinese I'm worried about. I have two book reviews to complete and an entire mock paper. I'm going to at least get the book reviews done by tonight, because they're graded and they're clearly overdue already. Ughh and there's Imagineering again. Seriously, I don't even really understand why we have it. It's pretty freaking useless, since we'll never actually have enough time to sit down and just invent shit with our current "lifestyle", which means we'll never actually be able to apply to real life. And we don't even get curriculum time to do it any more. Like, hey, if this shit is going to get shittier and shittier each year, you're obliged to at least give us more and more time. If not, don't go calling on some huge ass organisations to do our projects for and hope like hell we don't embarrass you. We have enough on our plate, without you stirring shit up.

I'm seriously very curious what goes on in the teacher's minds. We get all sorts of unrelated crap in our graded assignments. For example, for our first Mathematics Graded Assignment, we had a Geography question in it. For the second Mathematics Graded Assignment, we had a Physics question. For one of my Biology Graded Assignments, we had to come up with games that would help to teach and/or revise a certain topic of the subject. It basically tested our ability to scavenge for recyclable materials and our art skills. And for the third and current Mathematics Graded Assignment, we're currently basically supposed to be property agents. That's not even my dream job! And it's so unrelated to Mathematics! And you seriously don't have enough time to do so many weird side projects that are not related to studies anymore. I highly suggest you to complete teaching our curriculum and move on with life. Not to mention, make sure to get competent teachers to actually teach, not some half-baked ignorant twat who thinks he knows what he's doing but ends up failing more than half the class.

I'm just gonna end the post here because I really don't have that much time to blog and I need to hurry shower and start on my homework. Imagineering tomorrow again, which means I'll be ending school late again. In addition to all that, I've still got some CCA stuff to settle. Sigh, sometimes I just wish life were simpler.

-Midnight Flint

Take a Break!

So it's a Tuesday, and the last week of the June holidays here in Singapore. Or should I say, the last week of the month of June here in Singapore. If anyone reading this has seen those posts all over the internet about Asian holidays just being a self-study session, it's true, except that those are slightly exaggerated. Just a little (not kidding). Currently, I'm studying History and I still have English and Literature homework to complete. Which basically means like 3 to 4 books I still have to read and I'm not a fast reader. Yepp, I'm screwed. But I'm taking a quick break to blog now.

You know how there are so many quotes on "education" and "learning" and all that. And yes, everyone agrees with them and whatnot. But there's really no point dwelling on them, is it? Nowadays, your grades are everything and pretty much the only thing you have. No school or company is going to look at how well you play the piano, violin, how good are you at sports, or even your true intelligence. There's a saying on "Examinations and test are not a good indication of your intelligence" and all that. Of course, I agree with that wholeheartedly, but ultimately, grades are what we will be judged on. But if you think about it that way, then what are examinations and test a good indication of? Luck? Of course not! They're pretty good indications of how hardworking you are and if you study smart or not. Still, luck is quite a big part of this entire relatively crappy system. Well, I'm not sure about the other systems in other countries, but this is very true for the system here in Singapore.

I'm actually not doing well in school, but I've never been "stupid". I can pick up skills and concepts easily and it's not hard to explain something I don't understand to me, as long as you talk logic. Still, I'm not doing well. I'm probably way below average, while my other two brothers are practically constantly passing with flying colours, with one being the first in his class and probably the entire level, and the other with all sorts of achievements under his belt (No, I'm not doing to list them, there are too many). And then there's me. Yeah. Well, it's not like I wanted to do badly or anything. I'm failing a few subjects and not doing well in my forte. It's genuinely hard for me to do well because I'm lazy and I don't really have a goal, that much I won't deny. But I'm not stupid. Really.

Still, to those readers out there who currently have to same problem as me and all the repercussions that come along with them (parents nagging, teachers wanting to meet parents, late submissions of homework, a screwed up set of priorities, etc...), yes, we are the minority. But if you persevere and try to change yourself as best as you can (like I am at the moment), you will really be able to do it. Find out what your study habits are and if it helps to study with a certain person, go ahead! I mean, come on, obviously that person will let you study with him or her unless you enjoy studying with your enemy, then I suggest you go see a doctor. Give yourself some time, and you'll slowly start to see changes.

"If your goal is to reach a wall, as long as you start moving towards it, even if you're moving at a snail's pace, you will get there." (Just make sure you have enough time to be moving at snail's pace though. I suggest walking. If you're gonna run, I suggest you take a break once in a while. Burn out is not fun.)

-Midnight Flint
P.S. I changed the layout of the blog so that it's easier to read haha

First Post... Again?

So this is like my third or fourth blog, and clearly, the previous blogs have all failed. It's not really all that intentional, but more like what I was posting wasn't exactly... appropriate? Thus, yet again, I'm on my "first post". Let's move on.

Some of the readers may recognise the layout of the blog and realise who I am (big hint there...) but for the others who don't, it doesn't really matter. Those who remember what I used to blog about, that's nice, but I'm not going to blog like that anymore. I don't even know why I blog anymore, since I seem to have to censor and edit everything I type. I know what I can and can't upload, and that seriously sucks big time, since if I can't blog about what I wanna blog about, what am I gonna blog about? See that the shit thing about our world today. The internet allows you to do anything and everything you want, under the pretense that you're anonymous. Heck, you're NOT anonymous, and you're probably being watched as you read this. Someone is probably filtering through all the stuff I'd posted online, searching for anything incriminating to use against me in the future. Yeah, they'd probably uncover a whole lot of stuff. And guess what, I'd actually just censored some stuff in the previous sentences. Amazing, huh?

Truth be told, I honestly never expected my blogs to be read by anyone in the first place, which results in this horrible mess when someone I know actually does. Like, shit man! You weren't supposed to know! I used to blog about somewhat personal and kinda confidential stuff...? (Scratch that, it's definitely NOT confidential.) And it's personal only because they're MY experiences...? So like what the heck?! Honestly speaking it's not like I was giving away free cheats to a quick success or anything, but I still wasn't quite allowed to post about it. In fact, I wasn't giving away much of anything other than my feelings and in exactly what way does it even affect you??

So anyways, I'm probably just gonna blog about some random stuff regarding other stuff from that unpostable stuff and let's just all move on with life. Well, that kind of concludes this first blog post and hopefully I'll blog some more in the future.

-Midnight Flint
P.S. Clearly, this isn't quite my real name since I've had to censor THAT as well, and to make it slightly harder for people who actually know me to find this blog haha So sorry if this blog post doesn't make sense because of all the vague descriptions (which aren't even discriptions. Whatever, that's YOUR problem.)