Anxiety

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE. I kinda wanted to blog about that many many things that have happened but didn't really have time to so hahaha maybe I will? (Yeah, we kinda all know how that's going to turn out)

Anyway! The title seems kind of serious, but I didn't know how else to title it, and no I don't have anxiety, bless all of you readers who do and it gets better (at least we like to say, but take your time with life :) )

So back to the post. I was in English class on Tuesday and we read an article about anxiety (and happiness??) in our modern times. Although the article was pretty shitty in the sense that it made a lot of sweeping generalisations, I really agree how we are made to see that anxiety (not the mental disorder) is all bad, and that we should keep chasing positivity and be optimistic and all that.

Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't be positive and mope around all day long, I'm just not agreeing that we should keep chasing positivity and optimism. Our society and culture has made it such that we view feeling anxiety and generally negative feelings in such a bad light that it's almost a crime to feel as such, that we must get back to our cheery self as soon as you have to face society again. (I quote, "Your grandmother just died? ... Never mind, we want to see you smile!")

Okay, so maybe that was have been a little extreme. Sure. Let's use an example people can relate to instead. Take "private accounts" for example (I'll use Instagram for convenience sake). Most people nowadays have two different social media accounts on the same social media platform. One account, your "public account", is where you follow everyone you know (and pray like hell they follow back or you'll "unfollow" them) and your profile/wall is all sunshine and rainbows. There is possibly not a speck of negativity on it, and your aim is to portray yourself (especially to acquaintances) in such a way that seems as if your life is pretty much perfect.

The other account, your "private account", is where you follow only your closest friends/bosom buds/people whom you trust and confide in/whatever floats your boat and falls into the category. Which is why getting a "private follow" is such a big deal. This is where all the rants and shit go, where it gets down, dirty and sometimes really, really, personal. And all this happens away from the prying eyes of the rest of the world.

Why can't you just post everything on one account? That's because society has impressed upon you that it's "wrong". You can't just go around "spreading hate and negativity", you're supposed to be happy and optimistic! Think of all the great things you have and be grateful! (And essentially I, Society, invalidate all the problems you think you have because "there are people out there who have bigger, more legit problems", although it is technically still a problem but I can't say that because then I'm permitting you to act like how you're acting [aka "spreading hate and negativity"] and feeling what you're feeling and I can't have that.)

I think you're allowed to feel shitty when you do, and should have the luxury (why is it a luxury?? This should be a right??) of expressing yourself when you feel shitty. It's just how you go about doing it, and for how long you go about doing it. Sure, you can express your shitty feelings, but you can't just allowed to do it forever. You have the rights to feel down and tell people hat you do, but I think it's more of having to find a balance in your roller coaster of emotions.

Society's way of dealing with negative emotions is basically telling you to suppress your feelings and suck it up. Although you do eventually have to suck it up (for most cases), it is in no way healthy to suppress your emotions. This is also ironic and hypocritical that society expects you to be empathetic, but no one's going to empathise with you if you're negative, no matter the cause. (Which is why you aren't allowed to post negative stuff online.) That's right, I'm totally only going to empathise with people who are optimistic because if you're negative, you're in the wrong and I don't empathise with wrong people.

Doesn't that sound so wrong? That's definitely not empathy. In fact, this is so far off what "understanding" means, let alone "empathy". The word has been thrown around so much lately that it has lost its meaning, or people know the word, but don't understand its meaning. We want to be an "inclusive society", but we don't want to include everyone. Besides, talk about "inclusive society" after you've gotten rid of the income disparity and close the gap between the rich and the poor.

(Just to go off tangent a little, you know how TOMS has this "One for One" policy, where they will give children in Africa a pair of shoes whenever you buy one? Yes well, you buy a pair which costs you $60, although the cost price of a pair is about $4. So in total, when you buy one pair of shoes, TOMS gives one pair to the "needy", resulting in the total cost being $8. That's still $52 left. What happens to that money? The company pockets it, duh. But they give "needy" people shoes! Yes, but then they put almost 50% of the local African shoe shops out of business with that bullshit. Although the argument is that the kids can choose to turn these shoes away, they're too young and naive to understand what it does to the shoe shops. TOMS sure doesn't explain it to them. And thus, the rich get richer while the poor get poorer, although it isn't in the same country [no, you're ruining another country instead. Way to go, guys].)

That being said, I'm not saying I haven't committed any of the above (I do have a private Instagram account, I'm not the best empathiser and judge overly negative people, I am a negative person, I am hypocritical which I proved with the previous two points, I consciously portray myself a certain way online, and I do suppress my feelings), I'm saying that I'm as much a perpetrator as I am a victim. Still, I believe that happiness is the cause of negative feelings and negative feelings are the cause of happiness. There has to be a balance, for one cannot exist without the other, and similarly, you are allowed to be mad pissed at the world, as long as you also acknowledge that the world can sometimes also be extraordinarily beautiful.

This feels like an essay but like I promise it's not because look at that terrible format and how it goes off-tangent and is ridiculously informal and laden with slang. Just my two cents this topic, I suppose, and I'll end it off here hahahahahaha

Live well, Love much, Laugh often!

-Midnight Flint